The kids get a long great, but I find myself becoming more depressed. I feel as though I will never be an equal in the relationship. He puts his kids above the relationship, even though I try to be supportive and lay out healthy structure for the kids. I feel like my roll is not being respected and that I am the “bad guy” when I try to bring up issues of where we need to put our attention. He gets mad at me, and takes it personally. He then get protective of the kids like I’m doing something wrong. He has made it clear that I will never be as important as the kids to him and I am finding it hard to be positive about anything long term. He stated that he had a difficult marriage with his late wife, yet she had all the respect of a parent. It’s painful.

I don’t know if this is a normal situation, but the feeling of not ever being equal is making me question if I should continue to invest. I feel unappreciated, lonely, isolated, and feel like I am looked at as “the bad guy.” It doesn’t feel like blending. It is incredibly painful and my needs are not being met.

As of this point, I am loosing hope and don’t know if I should continue. It breaks my heart because I care about and love him and the kids. However, I am finding that feeling left out is numbing my feelings of hope. I can tell that I am shutting down so that I don’t have to feel the pain of the criticism anymore. Has anyone been through this stage before? Should I give up or be patient that it will change? I am really sad.

My Fiance and I have been together for almost 2 years and will be married next week. I have a 3 yr old son from a previous relationship (father is not involved) My Fiance has a 18 yr old daughter (Mother is not involved), and a 6 yr old daughter from his ex wife (not biological but he’s been there from day 1 – They split for a few months and she got pregnant then they got back together. April this year my youngest SD mother passed away from Ovarian cancer after a short battle of only 5 months. She had also had another daughter from her current boyfriend at the time age 2. Since then it has been a rocky road. My SD maternal side of the family have caused nothing but grief and insults and court battles left right and centre (we had to go as far as picking her up from daycare and hiding her for a few days to be able to get proper documentation of my Fiance’s sole custody after they picked her up for a visit)I have been bombarded with emails and phone calls saying that we are not keeping her mothers memory alive and that we are no good for her and that we are not blood and they are so they would be better people to raise her. I have had social services walk into my home because they were unsuccessful after the 3rd attempt in court to take my Fiance’s (and now mine)custody away. Another tough thing we are dealing with is the fact that during those 2 wks of in my opinion kidnapping, they fed her all this stuff about myself not being her mom and that she doesn’t have to listen to me, that she should live with them. She has wanted to be with us from day one. Shall i remind everyone that she is only 6. This poor little girl is so confused, hurt, missing her mommy and wanting everything to go back to the way it was before. I have been playing diplomatic spokesperson and protector of this lil girl. I have been called names by her maternal grandmother in front of all the children. I have even had to call the police once to have her leave our home. I have had aunts barging in saying that I have nothing to do with her and that I have no say, and saying that my fiance isnt her real dad either so hes nothing. Sigh, its starting to become a strain on our marriage, but the family isn’t whats causing it – it’s the blending of families. My SD will come up and want my fiances attention when we are speaking, and my son will do the same. They fight constantly and bug each other immensely. My SD has started lying, not listening, hitting my son, getting my son into trouble with her dad over something we find out later that he didn’t even do, or something that was instigated by her. There has also been some favourtism from her dad to her and being treated differently. Thats made me feel, I hate to say it, but resentful. BUT we are still trying very hard to keep things together and in harmony.

Anyone have suggestions on how to deal with all these very complex issues?

My sons lost their Dad to suicide in March of this year, only those that have been through this can understand the hurt that comes along with that. It was a surprise to say the least. We had been apart for ten years and continued to parent the boys together. I feel like I have been left with all the responsibility. Our sons are 21 & 23, to young to be without their Dad, whom they continued to have a strong relationship with.

In my new marriage of 2 years, following being together for 3 years, I have two daughters. They are very rude & disrespecftful to their Dad, which of course, even before my ex-husbands death drove my sons crazy. I hurt for my new husband most days in the treatment he recieves form his children.This is further challenged by a ex-wife that often forgets she isn’t married to him anymore, and still tries to run our life.

On a positive note, even though I feel my sons had a bond with my new husband, there is certainly alot more hugs, and less hand shakes. My new husband openly says he feels far more comfortable with my sons, than he does his own children. I hope one day that will change. In the meantime, I hope we can continue to draw on our strenght and love in each other.

We will be married 3 years this August. Although it hasn’t all been bliss, we love each other very much. That is what makes it all worth while.

All biggest struggle has been his wife’s parents. We came back from our honeymoon to find his girl’s and the shared bathroom repainted and decorated. They had come into our house while we were gone and done this. Needless to say my daughter who was also living with us at the time was and felt totally left out.

The weekends the girls spent with them (which was every other weekend) consisted of shopping sprees. When they came home they would have all kinds of new stuff. Again, this had a negative impact on my daughter. What really hurt is that this all stopped when my daughter moved back to our hometown to live.

Don’t get me wrong. I didn’t expect them to include her. However, I did expect them to consider and respect who this would make a child feel.

My husbands family hasn’t been much better. As an example his sister always acknowledged and sent a gift to his girls for their birthdays…never mine.

Since then my daughter has moved home to live with her sister. This was very devastating for me and still at times makes me feel as though I have failed and abandoned my children. I adopted his younger daughter as my own, which has been another issue with my youngest daughter. I have respected the desire of his oldest daughter’s wish not to be adopted. I have let her know I am always going to be willing should she change her mind.

Again, I thank you for starting a blog that will help many of us with issues that are different from the normal issues of step-parenting.

Marion