Comments on: Are children tearing you apart?

By: Karen

Karen — Tue, 15 Nov 2011 13:26:56 +0000

When my fiance’s boys are not home or when we are away, we get along great. The relationship itself has the potential to last, but when his kids are in the picture it all goes down the tubes. Help.

By: Karen

Karen — Tue, 15 Nov 2011 13:24:30 +0000

I feel that maybe I am doing something wrong, but at the same time i wish i had the resepct and support of my fiance. It seems to be a no win situation.

By: Karen

Karen — Tue, 15 Nov 2011 13:22:40 +0000

I too am experiencing the same feelings in regards to my fiance’s teenage boys. They are rude and disrespectful and their dad does not see the impact their behaviour has on our relationship when he refuses to discipline them. I feel like they are purposely driving a wedge between us and I dont know how to stop it without sacrificing my own self respect. They are 18 and 16, well aware of rules and responsibilities in our home but choose to constantly ignore them. My daughter is 7 and this is not the way i want to raise her. I dont know what to do anymore and am at the end of my rope.

By: Tyna

Tyna — Mon, 31 Oct 2011 01:51:53 +0000

Well it’s great to know we are not alone. I am in a relationship of a couple of years but we’ve known each other since our kids were born. Mine are 4 and 6 and so are his. The kids are weeks apart in age. Esentially, it’s like having two sets of twins. We raise our kids differently. We do things differently with our children. We both have 50% custody and we purposely have the same weekends with kids. It’s chaos around here. I am not sure we’ll ever go through the kids trying to break us apart because they grew up with us together. Our problems lie within the kids. He blames mine, I blame his. His blame mine, mine blame his. They have their moments and they get along…and then they don’t, typical kid stuff. It goes on and on and we end up fighting about it. Normally, it’s us fighting because someone holds a different standard or one kid gets away with murder while the others get trouble. I don’t think the kids are even phased, yet the stupidest of things regarding them all and we fight. The way they behave, manners, no manners, make a mess, don’t clean it up, be rude, get away with it, one won’t share and it goes on and on. I know that it’s hard and it will never be as if all four are equal. He will always think differently about his and me mine. Is there some common ground that can help with making it all work? We likely have to figure that out sooner than later or this is not going to last. Without the kids to fight about, we really are in a relationship that I believe we have waited our whole lives to find. Likely we both have to change quite a bit to make this work and I wonder if that is even possible.

By: Jodi G

Jodi G — Sun, 23 Oct 2011 19:36:49 +0000

I was told by my partner of 15 years, don’t mind them, I PICKED YOU and that’s that. Beautiful words considering her children have disrespected me at every turn. They are disrespectful to everyone. I found it alot of peace in remembering this is my choice. i don’t have to be here. I have gotten used to it. i have changed my expectations and that alone has given me peace and improved my ability to communicate with my partner. I wanted to beleive that I fell in love with someone who woudl defend thier children as I woudl defend mine. So, watch what you complain about. Would yo rather have someone who doesn’t “love” their children?
i wanted the brady bunch but what I got was not that at tall. Take care, take it easy on your self.

By: Alicia

Alicia — Wed, 05 Oct 2011 13:46:11 +0000

I have a 6 yr old who loves playing with my fiancee’s 11 yr old all the time. However the 11 yr old is now not wanting to give my 6 yr old the time of day unless it is an activity he wants to play. This has caused a lot of tension in our household as my fiancee protects his son to no end and there is no reasoning. I know my son wants to be a shadow and do everything with the 11 yr old wants to do as he admires the 11 yr old so much. And I do respect that he wants his spece but I don’t think my child should always be told no when he asks him to play just because he chooses not too! I find he is told no on purpose as it has become a game. So when everyone is home togehter I find there is extreme tension because I am always looking over the time to give my 6 yr old something else to do to keep him away from the 11 yr old. Sometimes if it is something fun now the 11 yr old will now all the sudden want to play. Anyone have advise as to what to do?

By: Alicia

Alicia — Thu, 22 Sep 2011 14:25:01 +0000

By: sherri

sherri — Tue, 20 Sep 2011 00:52:39 +0000

My new husband and 14 year old son hate each other. I feel like I’m in the middle, one pulling on each arm. Why can’t they just get along? My husband thinks I don’t discipline enough and I think he just waits for my kid to screw up, meanwhile overlooking his daughters doing wrong. My son will never feel at home here as long as my husband only cares about rules and not my son. It’s always tense and my son doesn’t even want to be here.

By: Donna

Donna — Mon, 19 Sep 2011 17:34:12 +0000

Wow, I can basically relate to all of you. Blended family, married 6 years, 7 children, he brought a boy and 3 girls, I had 3 girls. We have always had full custody of all of them, the Biological mother has been in and out of rehab for 1 years now and has had no relationship with the children what so ever. Meanwhile I have been there, cooking, cleaning, shuttling, etc. and all I ever get is grief. Now mostly teenagers and 3 off to college. He has the youngest 2 and they have always gotten all of the attention. I have grown resentful towards them for this. Lots of issues in equality. He always seems to find a way to try and turn the situation on me and have me believe I am crazy and all of our issues are because of me. We had such an amazing love in the beginning and I grieve that now. Spend a lot of time depressed and just sick to my stomach these days. I don’t want another divorce, but this is the hardest thing anyone could ever have to overcome. I will pray once again today for patience, understanding and willingness but have lost much of any sense of hope.

By: Mela

Mela — Sat, 27 Aug 2011 12:54:38 +0000

We live with my daughter age 6 and his two are here 40% of the time. They do not blend nor do they think they have to. Their mother is behind this and their father is unable to balance things out with a firm but fair stance. I moved for him to remain close to his kids and ploughed all my finances into a life with him (2/3 of what we have is mine), securing all a very comfortable home and lifestyle thanks to my job, this also meant I worked from home which is driving me nuts through isolation. In return I get, a father figure for my child (albeit with limitations, so when he is with his, mine is cast aside, separate holidays, separate conversations when we are together, us and them sort of situation), a lot of indirect grief from his older kid, and a devoted husband (who did not want anymore children with me – I did), but is more than happy to showcase how devoted a father he is. Oh I forgot to mention that he took on a child from his previous wife and someone else, as his own, put him on his will equally to his own kids, told me he bonded with that one more and quicker than with mine, and he would have me believe I am the one love of his life, and that our marriage is real and meaningful. Maybe, but what a price I have to pay to have this man in my life. Still finding my ways in this marriage and some hope that things can improve in time. Wish me luck.