Discipline

Adele Cornish, BSW

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Different parent, different rules: Does it work?

Mike and I have been running a lot of seminars lately and we always enjoy seeing couples connecting with other parents/stepparents in a blended family; it helps them feel not so ‘alone’ in their experience. So, instead of giving you one of my regular tips today, I’d love for you to share with others from your own wisdom and experience in response to this question:

Do you and your partner have different rules for each other’s children?

Some couples manage to negotiate and eventually agree on rules/expectations and consequences with their partner however many find this very difficult to say the least. Here’s what one couple has done in this case:

“Due to the fact that our parenting styles differ vastly, I’m strict and my husband is very lenient, we have had to decide to discipline separately. While we will discuss the discipline ultimately the bio parent will discipline the bio child. This has freed us to appreciate each other and love one another with our differences.”

Sometimes parents have one set of rules for their own children while their partner’s children have another. For example, your children might be allowed 1 hour TV per day while your partner’s children catch watch it anytime they like.

If you have tried this approach, would recommend it to others?

Please answer below.

Warm regards

Adele Cornish BSW
Blended Family Advisor

p.s. You can remain anonymous if you prefer!

p.p.s. For specific information on how to negotiate discipline issues, please click here

Discipline: Speaking from experience…

Here’s some advice I received from a women regarding her experience of how discipline works in her blended family:

“A counselor told me my children are mine to discipline and to raise. If there should be any issues, my spouse should bring them to me and we should discuss them and come to a resolve before we change anything or discuss issues with my kids. At times, I was so frustrated because I felt like I was alone in raising my kids but in end this style was right on. My spouse did not discipline my children, I did. He did not make changes and demands on my children, I did. This way he was never the “bad step-parent”. I know at times this is hard for my new current spouse but it truly has helped in the transition of becoming a blended family. My step-children do not know my frustration, changes in the home or how I feel over certain situations. This enables us to have a better relationship.”

What are your thoughts on this approach? Have you tried it? Do you agree with it? I look forward to your response.

Warm regards

Blended Family Advisor

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