Children of divorce: Part 2
Adele Cornish, BSW
In my survey I also asked children of divorce what was the best thing their parents did to help them cope with the divorce. Here’s what a few said:
“They supported each other in major parenting decisions.” “They didn’t criticize one another in front of us kids.” “They kept us together at weekends, alternating houses.”Sadly, most said their parents did nothing to help them. Some even said it appeared their parents were more focused on ‘getting even’ with each other despite the huge negative impact this had on their children.
Here’s what children of divorce wish their parents had done for them:
“Talk things through.”
“Explain why they were separating.” (Note: explain WITHOUT blame and keep it simple for your child’s sake)
“Work their problems out in a civil manner & not in front of us.”
“Pay attention to me.”
“Remain more cohesive in how they parented, my dad was “goodtime Charlie” and we had a lot more freedom with him. My mom was stricter.”
“Looking back I wish my mother had not used me as her hurt weapon. My father to this day has not ever spoken badly of her….which I find admirable considering what she has done!”
“I wanted them to stop fighting.”
“I wanted them to care about what was going on in my life instead of having to listen to their problems. I didn’t want to hear what a jerk the other parent was or whose fault it was or how hard their life was.”
“I wish they had accepted some responsibility for their actions and acknowledged how the results of their choices affected me as a child!! I wish they had put their own selfish needs aside and seen what I was going through and how lost and alone I was.”
“Not force me to take sides.”
“Not bad mouth the other and put us in the middle.”
These honest responses from children of divorce are your tips for this week so read them carefully.
Have a good one!
Next week we’ll look at the desire many children of divorce have to see their parents reconcile.
Warm regards
Blended Family Advisor