Comments for Blended Family Resource & Support Network

Comment on Expartners: Parental Alienation and its effect by Lisa Maria

Lisa Maria — Wed, 25 Jan 2012 04:28:05 +0000

I am the mother of a daughter and son, a year apart. When they were 2 and 3 their dad and I separated. He hired a father’s rights attorney and got primary custody. We had 50/50 legal custody, but he lied about his 6 figure income and I was ordered to pay him child support for over seven years. I went from home mom to a slave to supporting my ex and only seeing my babies on the weekends. Over the past 20 years, he has taken me to court 27 times, spent over $300,000.00 of his family and friends money in attorney’s fees and private investigators on the divorce. He garnished my wages, levied my bank accounts, lied to law enforcement, judges and even had me arrested for volunteering in the kid’s elementary school. He has lied and lied and lied… Five years ago, when the kids were starting high school, he pulled out all the stops and made the kids write letters to the court stating they wished not to have visitation with me. He threatened them that he would never see them again if they didn’t. Me nor my friends and family have seen, spoken or shared time with my children since that time. Over five years! Complete alienation. I had to sneak to see them at events, so they would not get in trouble from their dad. Now they are 20 and 21 years old and they still believe their dads lies. I saw my daughter for the 1st time this year when her dad was away and she, full of tears, told me she was a mess but felt powerless to change the situation. The second ex-wife of my ex has made a full confession of her part in the alienation. They were married ten years. She has already been to court with him 15 times in three years over custody and his lies and continued attempt to alienate his children from their loving mothers. The courts should see the blatant abuse of the system and do something about it. Pure evil narcissist!

Comment on Keeping the Peace by Spirited1

Spirited1 — Tue, 10 Jan 2012 04:15:04 +0000

I agree with not sweeping important issues under the rug. How is that healthy if it only buys time “keeping the peace” for a moment but allows ammunition to build in a mental storage just waiting for the right spark to set it off. Now keep in mind that as parents and partners we have to choose our battles and it really does help to not sweat the small stuff. However, what is the underlying importance? Peace in the home and respect for each other? Contributing to the functioning success of the family? The home should be a haven of happiness everyone has the privilege to enjoy. But there are always responsibilities & contributions before privileges right…yep that goes for everyone, living there or not. So start there. If important aspects of the family functioning are set and understood by all, then each issue addressed is really brought to light because it drains from the goals of the family. Granted, it is very hard for the parent of a child who seems to less often toe the line, to hear feedback from the parent of one who more often stays on track. So temper those conversations with love and understanding not silence…

Comment on Stepparenting and discipline by Sasha

Sasha — Mon, 09 Jan 2012 01:29:50 +0000

I suppose very generally speaking a child is more likely to actually live with their step-father than they are to live with their step-mother. So in those cases the step-father has a much more hands on parenting relationship compared to the step-mother who may only see her partner’s children when they come to their house maybe a few times a week or a month or whatever the arrangement is with the secondary caregiver. I said generally speaking.

Comment on Different parent, different rules: Does it work? by Jaime Neal

Jaime Neal — Fri, 30 Dec 2011 19:17:58 +0000

I hate to see that I’m not alone in this issue but again, it’s kinda reassuring to know I’m not just being a “bitch” in my household. I am a mom of 3, 2 boys ages 7 & 6 and 1 girl, age 3. My partner has 1 stepson, age 8 and 2 bio kids, 1 girl age 5 and 1 boy age 2. So all together, that’s 6 kids from 2-8! I am very anal about having a nice, clean house and expect my kids to keep their rooms, bathroom, laundry, etc. picked up in a decent manner everyday! They don’t do the laundry, they just know where to put their dirty and clean clothes. Anyway, my partner doesn’t have ANY structure for his kids who only live with us every other week. They come to our house for a week at a time, leave dirty clothes, some peed in, wet towels, toys, etc. laying all over our house and he says absolutely NOTHING to them unless I bitch about it. My stress level is through the roof because I’m having to clean up more after his kids than I do my own. He is a terrible housekeeper himself and that makes me want to keep up the house even less. We are thankfully not married yet and the more time that passes, the less likely it is that we will get married unless he decides to have some structure in his and his kids lives! I don’t agree at all with the “you do your kids and I’ll do mine”…either we’re all in this together, or none at all!

Comment on Lasting love by mercadeo en linea

mercadeo en linea — Tue, 27 Dec 2011 07:43:36 +0000

Real love doesn’t keep score and thinks no evil. The Greek word translated thinks no evil is an accounting term that means to count up, to take account of as in a ledger or notebook. The evils referred to are the wrongs or hurts received at the hand of others. The love that thinks no evil is a love that wont keep records of unkindness, hold bitter grudges or allow longstanding resentments against others with the intent of someday getting even, even when the wrongs done against us are real. When we keep track of wrongs with the intent of making others pay, we ourselves pay more than we can afford.

Comment on Commitment by Step Mum

Step Mum — Mon, 19 Dec 2011 17:21:25 +0000

Allen My advice would be to tell your partner how you have been feeling, I find sometimes when I have something to say to my partner that I know he is going to really react to I write him a letter. I also try to not play the blame game but always come at it by saying how the situation is making me feel and not attack him for his behaviour. It may take sometime and you may have to keep trying gently. But in my case my patience has paid off I really can’t beleive the change in my life since I have started communicating my feelings our relationship has opened up so much. And we have started working together to raise our family. Although I completly understand this can be really scary to contemplate. Good Luck:)

Comment on Commitment by allen

allen — Sat, 17 Dec 2011 01:13:27 +0000

I am currently going through this phase of “what should i do?” I am working on my way out after 8 yr.s. I don’t want to but it seems like the only other option. I love my lady, but cannot stand being put down for helping and not helping. My situation is so confusing, its her way or nothing at all. I would love to work it out but the constant barrage on a daily basis is wearing me down. I am asking friends for advice and they in turn want me to be with them. do you think i should throw in the towel or try to make it work?reply

Comment on Commitment by PB

PB — Wed, 14 Dec 2011 18:45:29 +0000

As Christians we need to follow Jesus in every area of our lives. The problem with this world is that Christians are not holding up the standards that Jesus set in his word. There is nothing too hard for God, our marriages and families can be saved if we just hang in there and encourage others to truly be committed to God. Do we really believe or are we just Pharisees, all talk and no lifestyle that proves that we are followers of Jesus. Hang in there and please don’t give up!!!

Comment on Commitment by Julie

Julie — Wed, 14 Dec 2011 18:28:58 +0000

Adults make commitments and decisions that in the end, effect everyone around them. A divorce does not just end a relationship between two people. Once children are born, those parents are connected for the rest of their lives, like it or not. Another relationship or subsequent marriage doesn’t change the need to communicate over matters that only the biological parents can address. And, let’s not forget the financial aspect. Do you really think two households survive better on the same income they had when they were married? I didn’t want, or file for my divorce. I was committed to the good, the bad and the future of every season life brought us….anyone can walk away, but it takes adults to stay and honor their commitment to their family, and their children.

Comment on Commitment by Kelly

Kelly — Wed, 14 Dec 2011 16:50:33 +0000

This is a really hard question to answer as there are no black and whites. Excluding abusive relationships, not being “in love” with one’s spouse can be a legitimate reason to leave. However, know that if you decide to leave and you have kids at home, it WILL impact them in some way. I had a split from my first husband that was very amicable but I think it still negatively impacted my kids a lot. They have recovered (I think) but I wish their dad had been willing to work on our problems in counseling instead of taking the quick way out.