Comments on: Expartners: Parental Alienation and its effect

By: Lisa Maria

Lisa Maria — Wed, 25 Jan 2012 04:28:05 +0000

I am the mother of a daughter and son, a year apart. When they were 2 and 3 their dad and I separated. He hired a father’s rights attorney and got primary custody. We had 50/50 legal custody, but he lied about his 6 figure income and I was ordered to pay him child support for over seven years. I went from home mom to a slave to supporting my ex and only seeing my babies on the weekends. Over the past 20 years, he has taken me to court 27 times, spent over $300,000.00 of his family and friends money in attorney’s fees and private investigators on the divorce. He garnished my wages, levied my bank accounts, lied to law enforcement, judges and even had me arrested for volunteering in the kid’s elementary school. He has lied and lied and lied… Five years ago, when the kids were starting high school, he pulled out all the stops and made the kids write letters to the court stating they wished not to have visitation with me. He threatened them that he would never see them again if they didn’t. Me nor my friends and family have seen, spoken or shared time with my children since that time. Over five years! Complete alienation. I had to sneak to see them at events, so they would not get in trouble from their dad. Now they are 20 and 21 years old and they still believe their dads lies. I saw my daughter for the 1st time this year when her dad was away and she, full of tears, told me she was a mess but felt powerless to change the situation. The second ex-wife of my ex has made a full confession of her part in the alienation. They were married ten years. She has already been to court with him 15 times in three years over custody and his lies and continued attempt to alienate his children from their loving mothers. The courts should see the blatant abuse of the system and do something about it. Pure evil narcissist!

By: Sarah

Sarah — Sat, 25 Jun 2011 00:50:17 +0000

Twenty years ago, I was one of the victims who lost custody of my children due to a disturbed Court appointed psychologist. I had minimal visitation rights which ended up with no visitation at all due to PAS. The kids have since returned and are on their way to a bright future. They came back to me on their own right after highschool. Today, I am now going through this with my husband of ten years marriage, his ex has Munchausen By-Proxy and their 15 year old daughter is being alienated from her father. The Court is having a difficult time making decisions. I fear we will lose his daughter and for who knows how long. The mother has her on three strong psychotic meds with no original diagnosis. We hardly see her as it is, we are going to have an upcoming Court decision to be made. This is a never-ending sad situation. If the Court cannot decide what to do about the mother’s illness, where do we go from here?

By: Adele

Adele — Tue, 12 Apr 2011 03:53:54 +0000

Thanks for sharing your experience Debra. It’s great you and your husband managed to stay strong in the face of such adversity. Your perserverance has paid off, bless you!

By: Debra

Debra — Tue, 12 Apr 2011 02:53:42 +0000

My husband and I went through this for the first two years we were together. It was the hardest time in my life and I wish it upon no one. My husbands ex tried allientating his son and daughter from us. She used me as the pawn in her game when she was failing and got repremanded by the courts for falsely accusing my husband of child abuse. As a step-parent we have NO RIGHTS. When it comes to the courts we have NO VOICE. NOBODOY wants to hear our side or what we have to say. If the kids believe something to be true then it is. This type of situtation almost lost my husband custody of his two children. All the while his ex was in the ears of the children, your dad loves them (me and my son-with my husband) more that he loves you. He is not your real brother. Your dad is trying to hurt our family etc etc….. When such lies are being said and there is no way for you to defend yourself, it is the worst thing in the world. Thank God, I have a loving and supportive husband and even though we had our difficulties we were able to stat srtong and together because we knew our intentions and our actions were coming from a postive and good place. I never knew someone could be so malicious and not ever think about the end result the affect it would have on the children. But as I said we got through it and today we AGAIN have 50/50 custody of the children. We are all in a better place and NOW that the ex seems to be better of emotionally and finacially she is a lot better mother and person. We can all communicate and do what is truely best for the children…..It was a long hard road, that I thought would never end or that it would lead to a cliff we would eventually fall from. BUT it improved and we made it through the darkness to were we can now celebrate our family and our lives with ALL our children. Dont get me wrong we still have our issues but together we will overcome. My relationship and my husbands relationship with his son and daughter have sooo much improved. And I know that my relationship with my husband is stronger and togher than ever and that how we made it through with the support of eachother.

By: Lucille

Lucille — Tue, 25 Jan 2011 17:08:18 +0000

I’ve been a step mom for approx 5 yrs. We’ve been blending since my step daughter was just over one yr old. Her bio mother has the system fooled into thinking that she is the best parent on earth. She’s threatened my partner and me, as far as can, with phrases like, ” YOU WILL NEVER GET HER, YOU MIGHT BETTER GIVE HER UP TO ME.” The father and I have been fighting her since she took my step daughter away on her first birthday and finally the father wouldn’t let the mother back in his life. The mother emotionaly and physicaly scares my step daughter into saying that she’ll never be able to see her mother ever again, if she doesn’t comply with her. We are at the point of getting a children’s lawyer for my preasous step daughter of only 6 yrs old. I don’t understand why the CAS won’t look at the facts. The mother beat the father for 17 yrs and he didn’t know any different until he met me. The mother hits and lashes out at my stepdaughter, if she says my name in from of her. We can’t get anyone to listen, so maybe this lawyer with help this poor child blend with us full time. My step daughter is an emotional wreck. It shows at school and with other parents in their neighbourhood. How do I get the system; CAS; lawyer to read our case? It’s plain to see in the court papers that the mother is not right. She needs help with the lies and deceit that are slowly turning onto her. I know her mother loves her in her own way and I can respect that, but she’s pushing my step daughter to her limits. Even the CAS is concerned about her emotional state, that the court may have to take my step daughter from both her parents, beacause they can’t even see the other without conflict. My step daughter is lashing out at school and at home, but the mother says it’s ok cause of her age. What can I do as a step mom? It seems that I have no rights, and nobody will listen to me………….hope my step daughter will tell all to her lawyer. And if so, there should be no doubt, what so ever, that she belongs in our home full time…………please prey for us. I love being a step mom, but if becomes so difficult because of the mother brain washing our girl. How do I get ppl to listen?……………Lucy

By: Dani Parker-Smith

Dani Parker-Smith — Thu, 20 Jan 2011 17:40:30 +0000

I too find myself and my husband victims of PAS. I have been doing massive amounts of reading up on this. My step-daughter has gone from us almost pushing her to go see her mother to now living with her full time and the only reason we see her is because the Judge was insightful enough to give us an interim order for alternating weekends and every Wed night. She is now 15 and her mother has told her that she only has to do this until she is 16 then she can pretty much tell her father to take a flying leap. The mother and daughter are now using my husband as a pawn to do things, and he does out of fear, that no one should have to do. It is a horrid thing that has caused a lot of hard feelings in our family. I have two teenage girls that live full time in our home, and they feel rejected, betrayed, less than, and very angry at how the daughter treats their step-father. I have read a fair amount on PAS but I am still searching on how to manage it with an adolecent child. Any suggestions?

By: mark ibsen

mark ibsen — Tue, 09 Nov 2010 17:43:53 +0000

My relationship with my ex-wife has improved greatly with time, and with my attention to healing the wounds we incurred. I took a course called the Landmark Forum, and I saw that makingn her wrong was not workable, so I stopped. Then, she eventually decreased her criticism of me. Our kids are doing better. My fiancee encouraged me to pursue the transformation, and has been very supportive of our healing path. I finally took on being responsible for what happens between us, and the results are gratifying.

By: Will

Will — Tue, 09 Nov 2010 15:45:04 +0000

I’ve been divorced for several years and I am recently remarried. In the first years of my divorce I struggled with my ex wife to spend time with my son, having to enforce my visitation rights. From the time my son was 3 my wife and I have worked hard at keep a civil relationship for our sons’ sake. We had to overcome our disappointments in one another by eventually putting our sons ‘well being first. I won’t tell you that it hasn’t been hard or even unfair at times but each of us had to bite our tongues and ignore the other to maintain as much of a safe and secure environment for our son, considering the divorce. I will tell you that to secure the best environment for children of divorce is for both parents to work at coming to an agreement of putting the childrens’ well being first, before responding to any situation. I will also tell you that just because you may get the victory today, it doesn’t mean that you still may not have to deal with conflict down the road; we have to remember that our children didn’t ask to be in this situation we as parents have to take the responsibility.

By: Adele

Adele — Mon, 08 Nov 2010 21:56:14 +0000

Thanks for sharing and offering some hope and encouragement to others Deb!

By: Laura

Laura — Fri, 05 Nov 2010 20:32:51 +0000

I am remarried to a man that has 3 kids – I have 2. In the past I had a bad relationship with my ex, and I regretfully admit that I have let words of anger about my ex slip out of my mouth. But – the terrible things he exposes our children to, and the rotten things he says about me are beyond anything that I have ever said. My kids have gotten to the age where they now block out most of the things that he says.

My current husband has a decent relationship with his ex (who is now married to their ex next door neighbor – a relationship that nearly killed my currently husband emotionally). He is very careful about maintianing an amicable relationship with her for the childrens’ sake – even to the point of jeopardizing our relationship. He lost his job a few months ago, and picks up his children after school in lieu of paying child support (he has them 50% of the time, and is only supposed to be paying 50% of their expenses). This year, I put his children on my health insurance b/c I have a better plan, and it was going to save his ex on the incremental insurance cost. I pay most of our bills with the money I earn at my job. He has been doing side jobs here and there. Recently, his son had to have a procedure. I spoke to his ex about our medical coverage and she was so happy with our plan because it was going to save her hundreds of $$$ on the procedure. Then, I found out that she asked him to pay for 1/2 of the out-of-pocket and he told her yes – without even talking to me about it! I pay for everything for his kids when they are at our house. I pay for the gas, car and insurance for the vehicle that picks them up from school every day to save her money on childcare expenses. Am I wrong to be upset? I feel that he places more importance on his relationship with her than on our marriage. Help!?!?!?