Children: Helping them adjust Part 3
Adele Cornish, BSW
Important points for every step family with children to remember:
- Children still need quality individual time with their biological parent to affirm this primary relationship. Stepparents, support your partner/spouse with this.
- Have a regular routine for access visits with clear guidance on when, where and how things will happen. This lets children know what to anticipate and helps avoid guilt driven “Disneyland parenting”.
- Make time to talk with your children. Discuss the changes they’ve gone through and help them put their feelings or worries into words. Provide verbal reassurance of your ongoing commitment to them.
When children (and adults) have gone through the pain of death or divorce in their family of origin, we can expect it to cause some problems in our blended family.
Don’t make the mistake of thinking just because it’s been a couple of years since your separation or divorce that your children should be over it. Children can take many years to come to terms with the turmoil they have gone through. It’s not uncommon for them to want their parents back together even if one or both parents have since remarried. Children of divorce experience a higher rate of educational failure, unhappiness and anti-social behavior than their counterparts whose parents remain married.
However…
Children who are guided in the context of a supportive and stable environment, be it single parent or blended family, have just as much opportunity to become well adjusted adults as their counterparts.
It is within the context of our family that we learn social skills. We take these into the world and these skills to a large extent determine how successful we become as adults.
Do you want to raise the children in your blended family into responsible and respectful adults and turn your blended family into a supportive team?
Sometimes in the mist of our blended family challenges, we can get so caught up with the conflicts that we loose sight of our goal as a parent of raising our children step/children into healthy independent adults, while enjoying the process along the way! To save you time I have spent hours researching the best possible resources available for your blended family and children inparticular to help you succeed at your goals, see below.
Be encouraged, blending does require time and effort but with some planning and sensitivity around key issues, can bring you and your family much joy and fulfilment.
Warm regards
Adele Cornish BSW
Blended Family Advisor
p.s. Check out these great resources to help your children thrive
How to Take the Grrrr Out of Anger (Laugh And Learn) By Elizabeth Verdick & Marjorie Lisovskis
Specifically designed for children, this book is practical and useful for children of all ages. Includes wonderful explanations of what anger is, how to recognize the feelings, how to express the feeling in a healthier way and how to problem solve. Also addresses ways to deal with grownups who get angry, recognizing body language warning signs, and much more. An excellent resource for parents and teachers. Price NZ$19.95
Chelsea’s Tree By Marcy McCann
Children often experience anguish and confusion when two families are merged into one. Chelsea’s Tree is a great way to help children cope with their new situation. The story revolves around a little girl who explores the differences and benefits of her new family. The hardcover book, aimed at children ages 4 to 8, also includes maps and stickers to show where relatives live, a photo album section, a glossary of family relationships. Price NZ$17.95
| How to Take the Grrrr Out of Anger | $19.95 |
| Chelsea’s Tree | $17.95 |
| TOTAL | $37.90 |
Order these wonderful resources for your children for only NZ$37.90 (plus postage) via PayPal’s secure payment form.
In addition to these you can also receive the ‘Step Family Life’ manual as part of the ‘Celebrate Children’ pack. This manual tells you everything you need to know to create a supportive home atmosphere enabling your children to thrive. Here’s what you’ll receive when you order the ‘Blended Family Success: Celebrate Children!’ pack:
Step Family Life: Help your children survive and thrive By Adele Cornish
In this manual you’ll receive an overview of the commonly recommended skills and traits to encourage in your children/stepchildren. This is your chance to learn how to train them to make good decisions for their life and become responsible, respectful and independent adults. You’ll learn how to build your family into a supportive team plus much more. Here’s just an example of some of the things you’ll discover::
- How to Help Children Identify and Express Feelings
- Help your Child to Form Positive Relationships
- Sibling Rivalry: Achieve harmonious relationships in your family
- Help Children through Change: Advice on blending
- Understanding the only child
- Is a new baby right for your family?
- Your Vision: How to inspire your family
- Family Meetings: How they can transform your family
- Family traditions: Why you need them
How to Take the Grrrr Out of Anger (Laugh And Learn) By Elizabeth Verdick & Marjorie Lisovskis
As outlined above
Chelsea’s Tree By Marcy McCann
As outlined above
| Celebrate Children! | |
| Step Family Life Manual | $20.00 |
| How to Take the Grrrr Out of Anger | $19.95 |
| Chelsea’s Tree | $17.95 |
| TOTAL | $57.90 |
Order ‘Blended Family Success: Celebrate Children!’ now for only NZ$57.90 (including postage!)
Blending is a process. It can take years to transform your family into a supportive team. Take the opportunity now to discover how to make this process much quicker and easier.
Adele Cornish is a author, speaker and international blended family advisor with a Social Work Degree. She has sixteen years of experience as a stepmother and has appeared on national television and radio. Adele has developed a program and resources that currently equip thousands of blended families worldwide to overcome the common obstacles to success.